Before I got married I was really used to being by myself. I had lived alone for seven months. I was accustomed to waking up at 10 a.m. before my 11 a.m. class and taking my sweet time getting ready. I would have a cup of coffee in my favorite mug and eat a granola bar as I scrolled through Facebook, checked my e-mails and looked at my planner for the day. After all of that I would have about fifteen minutes of quiet time; reading a few verses from my Bible and spending a few minutes prayerfully with the Lord. There was nobody there to tell me what to do, when to wake up, or judge me on Saturdays if I stayed in bed until 11:30 a.m. I lived by the moment and based my plans on the way I was feeling on any given day.
Lee is the opposite of me. He loves order and structure. He wakes up by 9:30 every morning. He gets up, uses the bathroom and stumbles to the kitchen. He makes himself a blueberry bagel and a cup of coffee. Every morning. He usually gets me up too. He jokes that if he wants me to get up, he has to cook food (which is true–I’m a sucker for bacon, eggs, and toast). When I’m trying to write or read, he takes it upon himself to distract me and tease me. He can’t stand not being the center of my attention, which is both aggravating and adorable at the same time. He doesn’t like to just relax at home; he always wants to be doing something.
At first, this was very frustrating to me. I was so used to always having my own way. Marriage has caused me to give up things I didn’t realize I would have to; my favorite side of the bed, my late mornings, and my stubbornness (to an extent). Sometimes I just wanted to be alone. I was unable to concentrate on my school work. I am not blaming Lee at all; none of these things is his fault. It was me who needed a shift in perspective.
Now I appreciate what Lee does for me. He makes me coffee and knows just how to fix it–a splash of hazelnut creamer and a spoonful of sugar. Lee likes to joke that he only does it because he loves my “sweet coffee kisses.” He kisses me on my head and tickles me out of bed. I enjoy spending my quiet time with Lee, because I can ask him what he thinks about certain scriptures and we can talk about it together. Praying with my husband is one of the most intimate things I do with him. There is such a deep sense of peace that comes from praying with and over each other. All married couples need to recognize the deep need for this in their walk with Jesus. Aside from these things, I have also grown to love the extra time that waking up early has given me. I can do some light cleaning, take a shower and take our cat, Mouse, for a walk, all before twelve o’clock. I have learned to tune out what isn’t helping me focus and get what I need to be done, done. I am excited to say that I have also convinced Lee to share my favorite side of the bed too; we take turns now.
It is my firm believe that God has been using Lee and our marriage as a way to help me become less selfish and more considerate. He is helping both of us to put the other first, and to focus on what our marriage really is: two completely different individuals running towards the same thing–Jesus.
If you are a married woman, my prayer is that you come to love the quiet times with your husband and not just get used to sharing your quiet time. I pray that you learn how to submit to your husband, but retain your independence. I pray that you have beautiful, joyful mornings full of laughter and love like my husband gives me. And I hope that you get lots of coffee kisses to start your day, because they really make a world of difference.